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Change Over Night Without Warning: RIG Fellow's Impressions of Israel Crisis
What if your life was dramatically changed over night without a warning?
Shirin Ezekiel, the 2005-06 Ralph I. Goldman Fellowship for International Jewish Communal Service, has been seeking to merge her interest in the diversity of Diaspora Jewish culture and her connection to Israel. The current escalation in the Israeli-Arab conflict is hard, not only because of the actual events unfolding, but also because of the sudden dramatic change in one's daily routine. Almost over night the main concern has become survival. How does one explain to the world the exhaustion one constantly feels, not only from justifying Israel's rights or wrongs, but from something much deeper - exhaustion from one's own daily routine. You wake up in the morning and it feels like a long nightmare that someone forgot to wake you up from. You are still shocked by the events and not quite sure what just happened, but you are forced out of bed into your new reality. You debate with yourself whether or not to switch on the television before you drink your morning coffee, desperate for a few more minutes of quiet. Then you head to work and obsessively listen to the radio. You are barraged with reports and updates on the situation. You want to hear the updates but, at the same time, you wish not to know. You reach work and try not to think about the situation for a couple of hours but are surrounded by worried looks. At work, at home, when you meet with your friends, your co-workers, and your neighbors you talk and try to analyze the situation: Was our reaction right or wrong; did we have a choice or was the situation forced on us; did we hear the recent update; do we know anyone that was hurt. Even for one moment, you can't escape the tension from questions swirling in your head. At the same time, friends around you get called to the army, you receive notice that you might be called too…you start calling your friends and family who have already been called to see if you can reach them just to hear that they are ok and yet you are afraid to even think what if…. Five years ago, I lost my friend and fellow student David. During our studies, a group of us led one of the biggest student strikes in Israel. We used to meet and talk about how great those days were. In one of those meetings, David told us he was going to the army for three weeks — regular reserved service (so we thought) — but David never came back. And that's when it hit us, a bunch of naïve students living in Tel Aviv, that, among the un-known names and numbers, you can also find a very familiar name. You find that the newspaper reports on your friend and then you learn to fear the moments, those moments when names are reported. As the day goes on, you understand that what you really need is a break, not from the reports, not from the analysis but from your own daily routine. You read and hear people talking about it being a surprise, we didn't see it coming or the army wasn't ready. Well it's true, in Israel the army is the people but I — as many others — was not ready, I am still not…I'm tired, and yes….it was a total surprise. Why should one be constantly ready to fight? It makes it really hard to believe that peace can really happen. At the end of such a day, nothing feels better than receiving a phone call or an e-mail from overseas. It helps knowing that someone out there cares. They might not be in Israel, but they are just a phone call away. You may not be able to change much, but it sure feels good that you took the time to ask. July 2006 |
