Helping Israel’s Fathers Heal Their Broken Homes

For Baruch and his estranged ten-year-old son Ziv every Sunday is Father's Day.

That’s when father and son meet at a kibbutz petting zoo to feed chickens and groom horses. They top off the evening with a bonfire, roasting potatoes over an open flame, sharing what once seemed impossible: a positive experience, together.

The program is the brainchild of Ashalim, a unique partnership between the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee, the government of Israel, the UJA-Federation of New York and the Jewish Community Federation of San Francisco. In the past five years, the Ashalim partnership has helped 60,000 Israeli children and their families through an array of 170 programs.

Ashalim takes a holistic approach to treating dysfunctional families. It is also now playing a leading role in Israel’s effort to help at-risk families in their entirety, fathers included.

"Prior to Baruch's involvement in the Parent-Child Pet Therapy program, every interaction with his son was characterized by anger, violence or silence," explains Sarit, Director of Ashalim Parent-Child Centers across Israel. "Now you can see that the father is changing -- Baruch has even recently agreed to attend family therapy sessions. This is a huge step."

Baruch and Ziv's achievements are representative of a wider Israeli effort to involve fathers in the therapeutic process to heal severely dysfunctional families.

"Even if they live apart, fathers play a significant role in the life of children, boys and girls alike," says Sarit. "They are necessary to the success of the therapeutic process. They also impact on the future healthy functioning of their children, as they grow into adults and themselves become parents."

"It is easy for social service providers to overlook the father," explains Sarit. "The mother generally seeks help for her family. It is she who is able or willing to attend therapeutic sessions. Most fathers do not seek assistance. Sometimes, the mother or even by the therapist give the father the message that they are not necessary to the process. It takes a concerted effort, sensitivity and creativity to draw the father into the therapeutic cycle."

She illustrates: "Few fathers are involved in art therapy. But pet and gardening therapy, which are less prevalent in Israel, are a huge success. An added benefit is that most of the therapists in this area are men," says Sarit.

This week, as Americans celebrate Father's Day, Ashalim will co-host the second of three conferences that targets the issues surrounding fathers of at-risk children. The series aims to heighten awareness of the importance of involving fathers in treatment of children at risk, and delves into the challenges surrounding the approach with fathers in this realm.

Entitled Pirkei Avot, the conference's name is a play on words of the title of the Jewish work "Ethics of the Fathers", which addresses moral and ethical issues, and its literal translation "chapters of fathers" that refers to the complexity and multitude of stories of fathers and their familial relationships. The coming gathering will examine multi-cultural perspectives of fathers in Israel.

While Israel has not declared a national day to celebrate fatherhood, for Baruch, Ziv and a growing number of Israeli men, Ashalim's effort to break the cycle of at-risk families is even more significant than a national holiday.

"We are just now beginning to grapple with the questions and possible responses," says Sarit. "We have a long way to go to understand the best way to successfully involve and make real progress. But in doing so, we are beginning to give hope to fathers – and entire families."